Hey Thinking, we’re breaking up.

https://play.ht/articles/691fc3876432

Dear Thinking,

I love you and I always will. You’ve got me into and out of some tight spots and I’m forever grateful.

You’ve helped me build businesses, figured out my stories, been an amazing pass time but now, we need to go our separate ways.

I’ll still come and visit once in a while to check in on you. I’m not abandoning you completely. However, I know the addiction has to stop.

My visits to you will be supervised by my Higher Self. That way, I can grab endless thinking loops and stop them before I disappear down a rabbit hole.

The thing is, I am addicted to you. I mistakenly think (ha!) that Thinking is productive and problem solving is useful. But to do it all the time, well, it’s worn me out.

I’m tired of you and your endless loops of strategising and planning and wondering and figuring out. You’re not helpful unless I’m in a position to do something with the thinking. And that’s what’s got to stop.

From now on, I’ll visit you as productive source of inspiration and guidance in the moment, not just as a distraction or an excuse for inaction.

“I’m thinking” isn’t useful unless there is an outcome.

I guess what I’m saying is that if we’re ever gonna be together again, I have to ask better questions at the correct time and put you to work for me instead of being a slave to you.

And that’s what I have become. A slave to thinking.

Never again.

Big love,

Carolynne

Thinking bad and good.

It’s 4:30am, the dawn is hours away and everything is dark.
From my room to my thoughts.
Inky blackness surrounds me.

It’s Autumn, the season of birthdays (yey!) and the nights drawing in (boo).

I have a strange Pagan relationship with the seasons.

  • Spring is optimism.
  • Summer is long lazy days.
  • Autumn is a welcomed change.
  • Winter is quite plainly the worst time of year for me.

It’s likely I suffer from SAD (my SAD lamp is on right now) and Winter is horrendous for me.

It’s 4:30am and I’m furiously Googling flights to warmer and brighter climbs and my mind is racing.

How do I get out of this?
Why is this happening to me?
Is this life from now on?

Oh yeah, I was going FULL MIDLIFE CRISIS.

Ok, I wasn’t but hey, the drama builds the story, right?!

OMG! I have so much to do to make things happen.

My brain wouldn’t STFU!

Another crazy night of mania, awesome!

Then a tiny voice said “why think bad things when you can think good things?”

Erm, what?

Makes sense but in the moment, my brain is tearing me a new one and I’m in major freak out mode.

Ok brain, let’s try your way.

What’s good about right now?

Well, I’m in bed, it’s warm, my boy is sleeping next to me and not snoring for once, I’m safe, loved and cared for…

Hold the phone!! I’m feeling better.

Or maybe… don’t hold the phone and Googling flights to Malaga! Instead, I put it down and made myself be present.

Presence does a very strange thing.

It grounds you and unless you’re in danger, you will feel instantly better.

What is this voodoo?

Intellectually, we KNOW that being present and appreciating the moment will make us feel so much better.

But when it comes to practicing it, and it is a practice, the concept gets left at the back of the cupboard and we go searching for a shot of misery instead.

Poor meeeeeeee!

But in that moment of misery, we have a choice. We can ALWAYS choose to think better thoughts.

And yeah, it’s goddamn hard to do when you’re in the moment but that’s when your training kicks in.

We get to practice being here now when we’re not in crisis then we can rely on that training.

So now my year looks like this…

  • Spring — Get into meditation
  • Summer — Get really good at meditation
  • Autumn — Rely on my meditation training
  • Winter — Not go crazy!

Be present.

Big love,
Carolynne
👊🏻💥💕

Your Purpose can be this too.

https://anchor.fm/carolynne/episodes/Your-Purpose-can-be-this-too-e2gspd

Overachieving and wanting to change the world is great but what happens when you’re not feeling it?

Listen to find out the tiny ways you’re living your purpose.

Head to Anchor to listen to it on all podcast platforms — https://anchor.fm/carolynne/episodes/Your-Purpose-can-be-this-too-e2gspd


Originally published at blog.carolynne.me on November 1, 2018.


Like it, love it, want more? Clap and subscribe on Medium.

Why THEIR ten-step plan won’t work for YOU.

https://anchor.fm/carolynne/episodes/Why-THEIR-ten-step-plan-wont-work-for-YOU-e2gh2p

A four and a bit minute Dose of Realness on why copying the Gurus won’t get you where YOU want to go.

Wanna listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Google Play?

Head to Why THEIR ten-step plan won’t work for YOU on Anchor for all the podcast platforms — https://anchor.fm/carolynne/episodes/Why-THEIR-ten-step-plan-wont-work-for-YOU-e2gh2p


Originally published at blog.carolynne.me on October 30, 2018.

Joining the dots to take you forward

https://play.ht/articles/82a0ce4537d6

You know that Steve Jobs quote?

“Only when you look back can you join the dots.”

This is so damn true.

Growing up, I had ZERO idea what I wanted to be.

I told my careers adviser that I didn’t want to work in an office.

His interpretation was that I wanted to work outside so geography was the obvious choice.

Doh!

I didn’t want to work in an office cos I DIDN’T WANT A REGULAR JOB.

I knew I was meant for something else. Even at the age of 13.

(Respect to those choosing a career, you’re bloody amazing!)

Then came the arts vs science debate.

I wanted to be a fashion designer but I was nudged into doing science and geography, and for the next ten years, I was a science nerd.

Not a very good one but the one thing it showed me was the female to male ratio of students in STEM was a bit out of whack. I wondered why 🤔 I was there but where were the other women?

Then came my trusty 286 PC (it had a turbo button!) and the Internet. Thanks Dad!

OMG! This thing allows me to see what was going on further than the A19 dual carriageway and I can build websites on it 😲

A whole new world opened up and I could talk to people who weren’t from my hometown about things I loved!!!

Mainly drum and bass 😆 And again… where were all the women? I saw Kemistry and Storm and fell in love. Strong women, doing their thing and owning it!

Then I started my first business… web design. I was crap. But it was better than coming home with a degree and not having a job.

Letters after my name, working in the Early Learning Centre (kids 😬) and learning to code HTML… very badly.

So, I did something about it.

A Masters in Business and Multimedia. Oh yes, multimedia included learning Flash (RIP) and ripping CD-ROMs to transfer data. I fell in love again.

I produced a short film about never giving up. I cried. Back then there were hardly any women BMXers and it pissed me off. Where were they?

I started another company. BMinX, a women’s BMX company to bring female BMXers together and start a movement.

We were gonna be bigger than Quiksilver.

My business tutor laughed at me. I told him to fuck off and stuck BMinX stickers all over the Uni.

My computer lecturer, on the other hand, thought I was on to something. “Keep going with your studies into human behaviour.”

My dissertation was on proving people could learn from the internet. It was the early 2000s and the online education space wasn’t even a thing.

And yes, you can teach BMXing via CD-ROM if you were wondering.

At 24, I was given my first personal development book (thanks B 💕).

Obviously, it was a Tony Robbins book and I read it every day for a year. #obsessed

I did my hour of power every day and outgrew a normal life. There was no going back.

As for work, I was still flirting between web design and crappy project management jobs until I worked for a Fortune 200 company as an operations exec.

I was in the big leagues and watched how a behemoth of a corporation worked from the inside.

I was obsessed. I read every big business book I could get my hands on. Amazon loved me, my bookshelves didn’t!

Then I found out our CEO was a WOMAN. I cried. I wanted her job.

When she stepped down to advise some guy called Obama, we got another WOMAN!!!

I cried again.

Something inside me ignited.

I was offered some kinda fast-track management thingy and I went for it.

And as the story always goes, a change of manager and a change of the rules quashed my dreams.

I was PISSED. My male manager had championed me and pushed me but my female manager didn’t. Strange huh? Bookmark that thought.

I moonwalked out of there. Honestly, I did. And I went back to web design and business strategy. Yawn but it was the only thing I could do.

Then came the lost years of trying, failing and learning. Startups, service businesses, Amazon businesses, creative businesses, consulting… nothing really worked but I learnt shit loads.

Even how to use an overlocker for my fashion business and those things are fucking evil.

Then earlier this year… everything stopped.

A nasty mixture of depression, getting RSI (bye bye web design) and the death of someone very important to me.

A hard stop and a lot of tears.

I read, I wrote, I cried. It was the worst time of my life. I contemplated bowing out altogether.

Then a spark… helping women… hmm…

My Momma came to visit and we looked at everything I’d done.

“There’s a thread that you can’t see, it’s there but you don’t want to look at it.”

For a long time, I didn’t want to see it but it was there.

Every business I had was to do with kickass women.

I didn’t want to be a feminist. Ugh… feminism… I wasn’t gonna play that game. I was logical, I was a scientist, I could code websites, I was an ENTJ, I was a hard-faced business strategist who got shit done…

And my Momma (being the epic empath she is) reminded me of my other side.

I was a cheerleader, a pioneer, an empath, a coach, a Reiki practitioner, a caring soul who wanted the best for everyone.

I broke wide open and surrendered.

It took months of undoing years of logic and some epic humans reminding me of who I really was.

I looked at every story I was telling myself and rewrote it.

It was hard work. People, things, old habits, old stories… GONE.

And then slowly… things started to align.

Women, business, leadership, online education, personal development, inspiring others…

The dots were joining up. I could see it all.

“This has to live,” I said to my Momma.

I registered the domain name (still a web nerd)…

And The Gentlewomen was born.


The Sixth (and final) Wave of Feminism

https://play.ht/articles/981bb2579c6c

I’ve resisted writing about feminism for all my life. For reasons that are personal to me but will no doubt reveal themselves in the near future.

Feminism is a touchy subject and still has the stigma of bra-burning hippies and raging, angry women due to the fact that we’re still not done with the fight.

We’re still fighting against and for something.

That was until I saw the truth.

Nearly every deal done in this book (pictured below) was done between male lead parties and has left the world, mostly worse off than before.

The deals that made the world by Jacques Peretti — Buy it, it’s incredible.

I’m reading this chapter by chapter and having to put it down because it’s a dark and depressing read.

It is also incredibly enlightening to see how society was formed and cajoled into serving us, the humans.

Now, not to say that men are bad and women are good but it got me thinking.

If the deals where done with women leading, what world would we live in?

The past is the past and we’re trying to undo these deals, however, the future is looking very bright.

More and more women are starting their own enterprises due to now being able to access knowledge and tear down borders with the internet.

Where there is easy access to technology, there is the well spring of women in commerce.

This is the sixth and final wave of feminism.

Femcapitalism.

More businesses are being started by women each and every day.

This gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. I may have something in my eye as I’m typing this.

We’ve gone through four or five waves of feminism from women’s suffrage, property rights and political candidacy (Wiki) all the way to Journalist Caitlin Moran’s concept of future feminism.

The sixth is the female private ownership of business.

Fuck, it feels good to write that.

And how are we doing it?

Technology and education.

If you have an internet connection, you can start a business.

No need for permission, no requirements for laws to be changed, no voting for leaders.

It is the single most important time in history for business.

We get to create new realities and offer them for others to join us.

We’ve had the Girl Boss revolution, a rallying cry for women everywhere to sell their craft and create Fintech startups. Each and everyone changing the face of what it is to be in business and you “just so happen to be a woman”.

I honestly know, as a capitalist, that business, in the hands of women especially, can change the world.

We need that right now.

After all the deals have been made and lead by men, it’s time we offered an alternative to balance the masculine energy that’s surrounding us.

What kind of world could we be living in?

I’m nudging you to find out.

We’re at the beginning of the sixth and final wave of feminism…

And we’re taking our power back.

We all go up together.


P.S. As a side note, The Sixth Wave is also a term in business to refer to the resource-limited world we’re now living in. Who are the most resourceful humans on the planet? Women. Now THAT is the future.

P.P.S. And let’s be inclusive here. It’s not just humans who are women, it’s feminine energy lead businesses. But that’s a post of another day.

When surrendering isn’t an option


There’s a lot of talk about surrender and the positive aspect of it.

Surrendering to keep the peace. 
Surrendering to controlling everything.
Surrendering to being right about everything.

This is the good side of surrender but I want to offer you an alternative and shake things up a little.

Surrender, by definition, is to give up.

To yield to a greater force. 
To compromise to keep the peace. 
To submit.

But when does surrender become a habit?

Every time you’re met with a seemingly more powerful situation or individual, the default is to roll over and submit.

Yeah, that’s cute if you’re a lap dog and you want your tummy rubbing but in human terms, it’s not as endearing.

Last week, I had an interesting conversion with a friend about age.

Too old to wear those heels.
Too old to go to that gig. 
Too old to have friends in their early twenties.

For a split second, I surrendered to those ideas.

“Oh yes, I’m far too old to be doing THAT.”

I was surrendering to the worldly view that a woman has to be young to be attractive, interesting and worthy.

Are you fricken kidding me?!

Who made up the rules? 
Who decided that I had to submit to that ideal?
Who decides how I live my life?

Certainly not the mainstream media and society.

(This is not a feminist rant BTW… it goes deeper than that.)

It’s about surrendering to things that seem bigger than you because it’s the “way things are.”

Who makes the rules?

Ask yourself that for a second

When you surrender, you’re supporting the way things are.
When you submit to another human, you’re reinforcing the status quo.
When you decide to keep quiet, you’re voting with your silence.

Every day, we have a thousand choices.

In each of these moments, we’re surrendering and supporting things with our words and actions.

We’re conditioned to not question things. 
Keep the peace and stay quiet.

Who says we can’t own our power (and our age!) and only allow others into our world who are happy with the reality we’re creating?

Who says we can’t create OUR OWN REALITY of how we want to live?

What you allow, endures and what you surrender to becomes your reality.

Choose what you surrender to.



For the women who want it all.

Be the lighthouse.

I hear your internal scream when you want it all and you seemingly can’t have it.

You want to be pinned down in the bedroom, not in life.

You want your ultimate freedom but with an anchor to grab hold of in a storm.

You want to be impressed by a person’s character more than their stuff.

You want to feel free and wanted all at the same time.

You want to hear “yes, do it” and the follow up of real support from your cheerleaders.

You want the mind games to stop and the truth be more powerful than a fuck boy text message.

You want to feel protected and yet walk alone.

You want your own space, time and energy and for it never to be taken.

You want to receive without being put upon.

You want gentle and tender then uncontrollable passion.

You want to lead and also be lead.

You want your wayward spiritual practice to be treated with respect as much as an organized religion.

You want to follow the rhythm of the moon and the stars not the Industrial Revolution 9–5 working hours.

You want every day to feel like a holiday not settle for a two week window of fun and freedom.

You want your soul sisters and brothers to ease you through your pain not recommend you pop a pill.

You want to be open and vulnerable without it being called “drama”.

You want to be strong and capable without the stigma of being a hard woman.

You want your body to be a weapon of creation not an object of constant temptation.

You want to wear pink and black and leather and lace and heels and army boots.

You want to be seen and heard without screaming and your vibe to do the work.

You want to smile at a guy and for him to accept it as an invitation not a done deal.

You want the noise to stop but the energy and buzz of life to endlessly run through you.

You want it ALL.


You know the world to be different and you know deep down you can have that.

You know that your reality can be created in the blink of an eye.

You know you hold all the cards in life and no-one can take them.

You know you’re worth more and you’re going after it.

You know that one decision is all it takes.


You are here for an experience not just a life.

You are here to desire what the hell you want.

You are here to be loved by you.

You are here to create.

You are fucking awesome.

The FIVE ways you can get out of your own way and reinvented yourself — Part 2 of 2.


So, last time, I gave you a little bit of realness with the five mistakes you’re probably making that’s holding you back from releasing your potential.

It breaks my heart to see so many people not reaching their full potential and holding themselves back.

Today, we’re gonna start you on a new path of reinvention.

Here are the FIVE ways I got out of my own way and reinvented myself.

1 — Choose ONE source of inspiration.

I found the coach who resonated with me the most and I turned everything else off. One coach, one course, one way of doing things that felt right to me.

There’s not one way, there are many ways so look around until you find a coach, book or course that feels like it’s a good fit. Then do the work.

2 — Get clear on YOUR idea of success.

It could be buying a supercar or it could be taking a shower every day. Yes, success can be anything from something wild and crazy to the small but necessary. Celebrate each one. Record them and look back to see how far you’ve come.

Decide on daily goals to make you feel better and aim towards your own idea of success.

-> I use an app called WinStreak. It’s available on iOS and Android and it WORKS.

3 — Tell the truth to yourself.

No-one needs to hear this but unless you can be brutally honest with yourself in private, you’ll not shine fully in public. Start with forgiveness. Make no judgement of yourself and your actions just give yourself the gift of forgiving yourself.

Make peace with how far you have come then know with all your heart you can start afresh every day to take action.

4 — You acknowledge brain freakouts and then OWN THEM.

Your brain wants to protect you and most of the time, it wins. Then you do something scary, it freaks out and makes your body release chemicals to prepare you for fight, flight or freeze. Freezing is where we get stuck. Knowing your body does this and catching it makes the biggest difference. We’re not designed for modern life but we can override the “freezing” freakouts.

5 — Get clear on what YOU want.

And ignore the rest. Easier said than done because when you’re freaking out, you just want to feel better. Social media distracts you with shiny objects and quick wins so you can feel better. The best thing I did during my reinvention was a social media fast. I deleted everything off my phone and it felt amazing. It wasn’t easy but the clarity I gained was priceless.

I can guarantee, if you do the tips I’ve mentioned, you will feel better, gain more clarity and make moves towards your future without feeling like you’re wading through treacle!

Even just doing ONE of them will make you feel awesome!! Especially the no social media one!



The FIVE things you’re doing to mess up your potential — Part 1 of 2


There are plenty of people out there who aren’t choosing to live up to their full potential.

It breaks my heart to watch from the sidelines. I just want to jump in and help them but I can’t.

That’s because they’re making these same mistakes over and over again.

I’ve made these mistakes too but my word, I’ve learnt from them. And I keep on learning them. Especially number five.

1 — You’re looking all over for the answers.

Clickbait articles, the latest bestseller, that course everyone’s doing, the guru webinars… You’re looking but you’re not finding the answers. There’s conflicting advice everywhere and no matter how hard you try to fit into what they’re telling you, it still feels… uncomfortable.

2 — You’re focusing on other people’s success.

Ok, I’m guilty of this one. You want it all, you want the house, the car, the travel but if you wanted it so badly, why don’t you have it? Success seems to be getting further and further away with every highlight reel on Instagram.

3 — You’re not telling the truth.

Ouch! It hurts and you’re not gonna go there. So you cover it up with fake happiness and #blessed hashtags on your social media. You’ve settled into what you’re friends and family think you should be happy with. However, you have higher standards and so much more potential to give.

4 — You’re wearing your brain out with all the thinking.

You want it, you have a plan but when it comes down to doing it… your brain is throwing doubts in your face. Your brain wants the best for you… and it wants you to go back to bed and start again tomorrow. It’s a b!tch and you allow it to bully you.

5 — You’re saying yes to the wrong things.

This is a deep one… When you’re in pain from not releasing your potential, everything looks like an opportunity as a way out. A new business venture, running away to another country, another glass of wine (or a bottle), or even something more serious like being addicted to something.

Ok, I realise this post has been about the negative side of wanting to release your potential.

So I don’t leave you high and dry, I have an antidote for this. I will reveal the five key techniques I’ve used to reinvent myself and release my potential in the part two.

Some of them are really simple and you’ll probably know them but one, I can guarantee that if you do this, you’ll see a difference within a week.

Pinky promise.